| Holy Mother of Marshmellows?! A Xanga post?! What in the
name of Steve Buscemi is going on here? I mean seriously!?
Has Jon been possessed by the writing bug? Does it tickle?
Yes it does!
For a reason unknown to me I decided to read through my old xanga
posts. I larfed. alot. I'm a funny guy  (or maybe
i just am very easily amused). Such a sad thing it is when a
great thing has stopped, so I figure, lets resurrect it.
Official Jon Xanga post action! Super speed go!
K, well, I changed my underwear today. It was not an accident. I changed them intentionally.
Let's play "guess what's on my floor" Your guesses?
Josh: a nekkid woman, possibly wearing a sombrero?
Charlie: a plastic hamster ball filled with urine?
Duc: a romantic novel?
Mike: a pile of shit?
Liz: your ambition?
Koenig: a shoe?
And now, JON ANSWERS!
Josh: no, that is incorrect. First of all, girls don't
enter my room. Second of all, if they did, they would mostly
likely be wearing something. However, if they are in my room at
all, the intention of clothes removal could possibly be involved
here. However, I don't own a sombrero, and if I did, I would be
wearing it, not her. And my bed would be the better option, I
think.
Charlie: I don't own a hamster, nor do I own a hamster
ball. I can't even begin to try to comprehend any possible reason
at all for why I should pee in one if I did have it. But what if
I did pee in one, and then I put the hammer in there? That might
be entertaining for a little while.
Duc: Duc, you are so emo. Plus, you know I don't read.
Mike: This man knows things, and he gets his point across with
authority and vulgarity, which i respect. Nuff said.
However, if you were speaking in the literal sense, then I would have
to slap you silly, then answer no.
Liz: No, this is wrong because for one, I live 3 stories in the air and
that would be far too high for my ambition to be, and second, if it
were on the floor, it would be easier to pick up. As of now, I
don't know where it is.
Koenig: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ONLINE?!
That was fun, wasnt' it? Oh yeah, time for the answer. Almost forgot :P
There are shoes...so Koenig was right. I'd give him a cookie, but
he would wouldn't take it, instead choosing to leave it there to rot
and decay. I'd be better off giving my spare cookie to a hungry
child, but I don't like children, and if they were hungry they'd be all
clingy and naggy, all with their "please feed me" and I'd be
"shut up! go sit in the corner!" man id be a great dad. i
think me charlie and josh have had this discussion before.
So on the topic of what's on my floor. Lots of stuff. There
are shoes, trash overflowing from my trashcan, a frisbee, clothes, a
scanner, a bag of chips, backpack, guitar case...man i expected this to
be more interesting. sorry i wasted your time.
and now, just like every great show (and crappy show) eventually do,
it's time for FUNNY FLASHBACKS! I will post a few gems from my
other xanga posts that i found funny that you have most likely
forgotten. Oh man, strap in for this one, cuz its gonna be a wild
ride!
----i cant control who finds themselves attracted to me.  im
like a black hole of sexiness, and everyone gets sucked in. (from
the time when random 14 year olds posted on my xanga...ah good times)
----yeah, id rather spend all day and night designing something for broadcast design then meticulously...MY BACON!!!"
it was one of those "you had to be there"s.
----
btw, if u wanna get in contact with the pope, even after his death, hit up popeonarope2@vadican.com.
his email account carries on to the afterlife, so u can ask him thing
about heaven or what his favorite daytime soap opera is if ur
interested...
and the pope spells it vadican instead of vatican to be hip.
-----
i would be so surprised that my hat would jump straight off my
head, flip around once and land back on my head...but it would have to
be one of those bucket hats or whatever like in the cartoons or else it
wouldnt work.
--------
i got to stay in this snazzy hotel for absolutely nothing! FREE
AS A HIPPIE TRYING TO FLY OFF A CLIFF IN ORDER TO BECOME ONE WITH THE
SKY!
(back when i missed my flight to savannah and i had to stay in atlanta)
------
well, i guess the lyrics in my xanga idea crashed and burned like
a malfunctioning plane whose engine had exploded and launched flames
through the fuselage, dipping and spinning in the air full of
unfortunate passengers screaming and burning until they crashed
nose-first into a giant mountain which happened to be a disgruntled
volcano, which then angrily spewged hot lava all over the
aforementioned screaming, burning folks who are now just burning and
dead, therefore turning them into burning, dead, lava-covered and most
likely mutilated and blugeoned corpses who are all now late to wherever
they were supposed to go when their plane landed.
(LOLWTF?)
----
i wanna walk out of my tiny lil dorm, stick my arms out, and
have my soulmate fall outta the sky and land in my arms, but that could
only happen in some crazy sci-fi flick. or maybe if a chick jumped out
of an airplane. though im sure one of these things would happen... 1.
she would break my arms off and splatter on the ground and id be
traumatized for life and in extreme pain 2. id hear her screaming and
instintively get out of the way, letting her splatter on the ground and
id be traumatized for life. 3. she falls through the roof of my dorm
and breaks my shit, and id be traumatized for a short period of time.
4. she lands on someone else and i laugh at them. many many
possibilities.
-----
"Billy gets desert but you don't, Ass cuz i hate
you!" thats right, it says Ass on the birth certificate.
Ass Hole Stelter.
---
i can create a donut from nothing using a microwave, an
otherworldly vortex of energy within this microwave, and by rearranging
particles in a precise pattern to form solid, edible and yummy matter.
the special ingredients of aforementioned donut are: chemistry and a miracle.
----
And the first Xanga post ever!
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
playing Blink 182-Im Sorry
It's freaking 2 in the morning...so i got like 3 more hours
before i go to sleep. well, my interesting day went alot like this...
today i skated. and it was good.
today dor and josh busted their asses skating. and it was funny.
today i got my ass kicked in playing super smash bros. and it was pathetic.
today i had the fried shrimp platter at joe's. and it was meh.
today i hung out with josh, greg, dor and dave.
today was a good day.
i wanna start a website with stuff like funny videos (by friends and
myself), t-shirts to sell (get josh laid already...please!), and
perhaps a webcomic that may or may not ever get done depending on how
lazy i am. (i'll let yall know what it's about if i ever make it.) my
cd ended...woe is me.
----
MORE SHIZ!
a post on April 21st 2005, exactly one year ago (well, almost)
the title of this post is IRONY
so i was on the bus, studying for a test i had in a class later that
day. we stop at this hall, and a bunch of ppl get on the bus.
being a bit lazy and protective of my personal space, i left my
backpack in the chair next to me while all the other seats filled up.
then one last guy got on. at this point i had to remove my backpack
because i saw there were no seats left. and herein lies the irony...
the busdriver said that everyone who needed to go to turner should
get on the bus that just pulled up behind us. so everyone who got on
the bus EXCEPT for the guy that sat next to me left the bus, and i
became the only person with someone sitting next to me.
talk about irony
not only was there someone next to me when there were many empty
seats, he started talking LOUDLY to the guy behind him about WORLD OF
WARCRAFT!
at this point i almost killed my ears trying to drown out the babble with my cd player.
moral of the story: KARMA KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE! and karma owns santa, so you better watch out!
i know i will.
------
im so damn hungry i could eat 3 starving children. is that not
the ultimate paradox? i challenge u to come up with a better one!
*EDIT* paradox: an assertion or sentiment seemingly contradictory,
or opposed to common sense; that which in appearance or terms is
absurd, but yet may be true in fact.
therefore, with this new concrete knowledge, i can assess that the word
i was looking for in second paragraph up is again, irony. i just
love irony.
there are these kids who are starving, but instead of feeding them, i
eat them to satisfy my own hunger on a much smaller scale than
theirs. now thats irony...kinda like rain on your wedding day?
no, thats just some shit luck. it rained on your wedding day? im sorry. better luck next time.
-----
your mother is a leprechaun, but it didnt make u any
luckier. your face looks like a cat jumped on it, clawed it up,
then exploded while on ur face, right before it was about to go poo and
it had kitty gonorrhea. so u have bloody, burnt, pooed on,
diseased face syndrom.
----
so, me and michael were discussing what would happen if somebody got punched at the speed of light.
i said that maybe the punch would alter time/space a fraction and
the fist would be allowed to pass through the face, rearranging the
molecules and when the molecules settled, the fist would kinda fuse
with the face...
michael said that the heat generated by the velocity of the punch
would melt the face and the fist before they even made contact.
lisa said, after trying to sound really smart by stating Newton's
third law (objects in motion stay in motion...) and then said that it
would make a huge dent in their face...
fascinating...what do u think?
(indeed)
----
(hey remember, I went to camp. Thought this was kinda funny)
k, so i dont know if people read these anymore. i know greg does
cuz hes a boring, lonely man, but other than him im not sure. anyways,
the rundown is this...ive been at camp for 2 months, had a bit of fun,
did some traveling, tried some new things, did a lot of old things, did
not even come close to scoring, yelled at kids, went to warped tour,
drew...alot, got pizzaid (tomorrow), and now im going back to my life
as Jon..the civilianesque, non-counselor type, no job-havin, pencil
twitchin, keyboard whackin, mouse draggin, debt-swimming
college-attendin sonofabiatch youve come to know and hopefully love (as
a bro, dude, as a bro...with ur sick self). i am no longer responsible
for rich kids' well being, and that makes me smile. cept instead of
smiling i scratched my balls...which i also couldnt do while kids were
here, so i feel equally good.
-------
hunantran: we'll just blame each other for every little thing that goes wrong
CrayZeeJayThree: that would be an awesome flash movie
hunantran: it would?
CrayZeeJayThree: yeah, just imagine
CrayZeeJayThree: two guys, and every time some mundane stroke of daily
bad luck happens, it zooms in to their eyes and they squint and
whisper...you!...
hunantran: hahaha
hunantran: yeah that would be entertaining
-----
Charlie42085: guess where i am
CrayZeeJayThree: somewhere with a computer
Charlie42085: ya but where
Charlie42085: hehehe
CrayZeeJayThree: crapper
Charlie42085: yep
Charlie42085: lol
-----
(talking bout ghetto people and how they use things for multiple purposes)
CrayZeeJayThree: what do they plunge with?
Charlie42085: plunger
CrayZeeJayThree: ah
Charlie42085: but they also use that to shoo rats
CrayZeeJayThree: lol
CrayZeeJayThree: a rat shoo'er
Charlie42085: /plunger
CrayZeeJayThree: /backscratcher
Charlie42085: /far distance poker
CrayZeeJayThree: grandma poker
CrayZeeJayThree: to get er up
----
Charlie42085: your homosexuality explodes from you like the ejaculatory reflexes of a 14 year old boy watching his first porno!
CrayZeeJayThree: i say that alot
-----
Charlie42085: maybe a fly fucked my brain cuz he thought it was a damn horny girl fly
----
Charlie42085: 17th centuriers were retarded! they didnt have lara croft
Charlie42085: just the fact that she is available to us makes us not retarded
-----
Charlie42085: ya if lara croft wanted to do me
Charlie42085: i would say why no slut
Charlie42085: do that poor 43 year old virgin
CrayZeeJayThree: and his ears would perk up and his eyes would sparkle
Charlie42085: all he does all day is try to time his pausing with his making you flip so he can get a good angle on your clevage
Charlie42085: he deserves a computer generated topless lara more then i
(makes me wish i talked to charlie more on AIM. well ive been getting on more lately, message me, you fucker!)
----
vanessa didnt understand what i meant by "my ac broke". i say "my
ac broke". she says "ok". then she says "huh?" i
swear that girl is so blonde sometimes its unreal.
----
all u bitches can suck it, but have a nice day. if u see a
kangaroo, try to get in its pouch. its warm and comfy. dont
blame me if u get suckerpunched in the face. ur obviously not
very good at sneaking up on kangaroos.
------
i made french toast today...
HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!
---
K, that's all I got. Thank you for reading. I
bless you with blessings and promises of 10 virgins all hot for your
juice, and only 2 of them are underaged. However, you do not know
which ones they are, so you have to try to guess. Which 8 should
I sleep with? I know, that's always a hard choice to make.
Believe me, I know.
almost nine in the morning. man, talking in forums on
the internet has forced me to get used to typing capital letters and
being all grammatically correct. SCREW IT i say.
btw, im growing a beard. it will kick your mother's
beard's ass. and when that happens, i will exclaim FUCK YEAH with
authority in my voice. then i will guess out pudding cups and we
will gorge on them. gorge is probably not the right word, but it
doesnt matter because we will be happily fattified on pudding.
and then me and chuck norris will have tea and discuss politics.
i dont like talking about politics, but i will be too intimidated by
chuck norris's astounding beardocity to try and change the subject.
my sleeping schedule sucks. but so do you. i say
this with a straight face because it is true. i would not
lie. i wonder if people who dont post on xanga anymore even still
get their daily xanga friends posts delivered to their email. i
still do, and im hoping ppl read this, because it is a monumentous
event. you can now begin your day feeling fully fulfilled.
good day to you!
"dont leave me all alone, just drop me off at home and ill be fine"
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